yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
