We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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