I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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