oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
