I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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