similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
