She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
