so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I skipped work to stalk him.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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