You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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