Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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