You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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