She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
