You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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