Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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