I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
