i permit you to call me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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