So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
