too bad you live with your parents still
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
