mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
