I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
