youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
