But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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