I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
