Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
