I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i drank out of a bidet.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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