You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
