btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
