oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
