I got chris browned last night
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
