I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
