is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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