I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My liver just had a heart attack.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
