Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize