i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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