well I can't set my house on fire every night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
