There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
