dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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