Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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