You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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