News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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