We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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