So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
