When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
