I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
