He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
