i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize