did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
