It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
