I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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