CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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