I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
