So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
