I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
