You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
