I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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