Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
