Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
