So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
