I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
