Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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