i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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