what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
