just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
