My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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