Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
