that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
