mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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