What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
