his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
