Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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