'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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