it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
