I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
