I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
